BMW 335i Saloon Review

For those of you who don't know who Clive Owen is, we recommend this - www.google.com. Now that we've got that out of the way, let's talk about Clive. He may not have the DiCaprio or Matt Damon pretty-boy face, but he's handsome, suave, charming and has the features that a James Bond should have; so much that he was actually strongly rumoured to be the next Bond. On screen, he's already made his mark and is often the most captivating individual.

A couple of years ago, BMW ran a series of short films called "The Hire". Each was directed by some of the industry's best, including big names like John Woo, Ang Lee, John Frankenheimer, Wong Kar Wai and Tony Scott, amongst others. Clive Owen was "The Driver" for each film, in which the element of driving played a big role.

Those films are unforgettable, simply for the fact that he always maintained utmost composure even when faced with extremely intimidating and daunting circumstances. Other than that, he was always unruffled, yet alert, right until the moment the baddies whipped out their semi-automatics (guns, not gearboxes). Then, the action would start. Quick, accurate punches to the face, lightning-reflex dodges dodges and all sorts of counter-attacks. All that coupled with the type of stylish composure usually found in a James Bond flick, short of the cockiness.

Even when faced with difficult scenarios involving the opposite gender, he was always the respectable gentleman (in "The Follow") and never one to take advantage of the situation.

On the whole, he played a character far worthier as a role model than Mr Brosnan's has ever been. There was never a desire to be showy, nor was he ever the gallivanting sort. Plus, when it was time to control the Beemers, "The Driver" was never short of highly admirable skill (even though it was actually the stunt drivers' work).

And as for Clive's own acting abilities, he had the expectations of eight different directors to follow. Yet, he managed to do enough on his own to maintain a certain personality which could be followed through the series. If you were to catch a glance at his face now, the impression would probably be "he's relaxed, but don't mess with him".

Which reminds me of the 335i.
On the face of it, it's exactly like any other BMW 3 Series. This one, though, face-lifted, carries more visual oomph than its older iteration. Plenty of emphasis has been placed on its front, where the kidney-grilles have done away with the upper chrome lids; its bonnet now features aggressive character lines and a sexier front lip for its central air intake. At the back, its tail lamps with sharper angles stare ominously.

For the M-fanatics, take a closer look at that new lip. An evolution of the E36 M3 and E39 M5's, no? And, purists, don't worry - the 335i may not be an "M", but it will not put that trademark look to shame.

Related to M?

More prominent on the E39 M5 than on the older M3, that "lip" (some say they would rather kiss that than Angelina Jolie's) on the face of a 5 Series was a sign to those in the know that they shouldn't try to mess with it. And for those who had no idea, well, they usually found out why when the quad exhaust pipes and the colourful "M5" badge shot past them, with eight cylinders blaring away.

It was a sleeper - one of those that look absolutely innocent to most, right until the moment that it's time for them to show what they're made of. And it wasn't just straight-line brutality; it could go round bends well enough to get even the sporty coupes perspiring nervously.

The 335i isn't far off. With its 3.0-litre twin-turbocharged inline-six engine, the 1.6-tonne German gets from zero to hundred in a quick 5.8 seconds. You have 306 horses, 400 Nm of torque, a fast six-speed automatic from ZF and BMW's famous 50-50 weight-distribution to play with. Oh, and because BMW believe that front-wheel drive was the creation of the demonically-possessed, the 335i gets driven from the rear.

On the road and in the regular traffic crawls, the 335i shows signs of impatience. It's gentle, yet accurate, while its firm ride hints that it was built for more important things in life. Like allowing you to scorch round bends, pretending that you're being chased by the Russian mafia, when you're really just on your way to the grocer. Or sitting at the lights and smiling at the cocky dork in his confused Impreza, before showing him how quickly your car can shrink into the horizon.

It's not as if the car doesn't want to behave. It can do so perfectly well. Driving around urban roads, shifting at nothing more than a relaxed 2,000 rpm will already get you ahead of most cars. On a highway, the cabin remains pretty calm and isn't intruded by noise, though the ride could get a little unimpressive for those who prefer 7 Series levels of comfort.

In this, getting ahead of nasty road-hogs is probably the easiest daily task. If you feel like flexing your muscle in their face, just tug a little on the paddle-shifter that says "-". The transmission quickly raises the revs and drops a gear, awaiting the order from your foot. Even in sixth gear, a slight bend of your ankle will render them a mere speck in your rear-view mirror. There's so much usable torque from its award-winning inline-six engine; pity it wasn't more aurally robust.
Don a suit and attend a (Molotov) cocktail

The gearbox is also very, very driver-friendly. If, for some reason, when you're in "D" mode and just want to shift a few gears yourself then leave the rest to the computer, it switches back to full automatic after a short five seconds. Some other transmission systems will stay in manual-shift override mode for longer than necessary, but this BMW's system works brilliantly.

And if you're thinking that its power figures are too much to handle, don't worry. Its traction control system works well, interrupting any mistakes earlier than most drivers can react. If you want more fun, there's the Dynamic Traction Control (DTC) mode, which lets you look like Clive Owen through the corners, and never like Paris Hilton after a night of partying.

The steering and chassis are impressively responsive - something you'd hardly expect from a saloon of these proportions. It's as if when you're in the middle of a bend, the car slows down time for you, letting you think through whether to apply more power and steer angle or if you should lift off and let its front gain more grip. It seems like whatever your orders are, the car will do its best to execute.

When you're done, everything settles down again. The car looks entirely harmless and benign.

You could scrawl "335 was here" on a car park floor with your 400 Nm and the Bridgestone Potenza RE050As, wait for the police sirens to get close, and then cruise past in front of them without raising any alarms.

There's hardly anything about it that's loud or attention-seeking. On the outside, it's just a regular saloon - a good looking one. But it's nothing flamboyant or rambunctious. At most, the twin tailpipes and badge at the rear will give it away.

It's like a plain-clothes police officer letting his pistol show just a tiny bit.

And it's just like Clive Owen in the short films. They're both handsome, with pleasant features, appearing unruffled and can go about completing menial tasks without drama.

But once there's a need, they're also capable of some interesting surprises.

After the drive, I couldn't help but remember the days when BMW's M had no showy carbon fibre side mirror inserts or ostentatious body kit. When there was no need to garish. When it was the secret agent that only a KGB-trained eye could spot. Those were the days when you could bump into one on the road, smile and nod to the driver while he returned a cheeky, guilty grin. And the 335i definitely brings back those days.

It is undoubtedly one of the best sleepers around. The other car that gets closest to it is Mercedes' C 350. But that's short on power and heavier as well. With a price tag of S$218,800 (with COE), the Beemer is quite a lot of car. Apart from its accolade-collecting six-cylinder powerplant, it also comes with a good amount of kit.

There's the new iDrive with navigation (which works perfectly well), adaptive automatic Xenon headlights, electric seats, rain sensors, anti-dazzle mirrors, cruise control, rear parking sensors. With those options, you're pretty much set to go.

All you need now are a couple of AK47-toting KGB agents, something in your possession that they want very badly, and bullet-proof windows.